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  I turned against the sheets, facing his direction, facing his voice. “So no matter what, you’ll be here for the next two years?”

  “Yes.”

  “And then after that?”

  “I’ll figure something else out. I’m not going to leave the city where my kid lives. Not for any job. There’s an aquarium on Roanoke Island. I’ll keep checking for positions there. They have a sea turtle rehabilitation center there as well.”

  Him and his sea turtles.

  I loved how passionate he seemed to be about them. I also loved the way he said he wouldn’t leave his kid. It made my chest feel all warm and slippery.

  “What do you do every day? If you aren’t working, I mean.” I wondered because he always left here before the sun came up. Even when I stayed in his bed, I never left so early. Was he in that much of a hurry to get away each day? Plus, who was paying the bills on his rental house? His parents, I assumed.

  “I’ve started volunteering with the NEST team. I do it every morning now.”

  “What’s that?” I asked.

  “Just a team of ATV riders who go out to the beaches each morning looking for sea turtle nests. There’s sixty miles of beach to cover every morning. Then if we find a nest we call the nesting response team. They mark off the nest for protection, identify which type of sea turtle’s nest it is, and take one egg for DNA testing. I used to be part of that team. So I stick around and help the response team sometimes. But yeah, that’s what I’m always doing. Where I go in the mornings.”

  “Oh.” It sounded like he was working his ass off each day. “And when do the nests hatch? I’ll admit, I’ve lived at the Outer Banks my whole life and don’t know much about sea turtles at all.”

  “They’ll hatch about fifty to ninety days later. Depends on the species. There’s a night team for when they hatch. Mostly local volunteers for that. I volunteer with the night team too. So if I’m ever missing from your bed at night, that’s where I am.”

  “Are you going tomorrow? With the ATV team?”

  “Yes.”

  “Can I go?”

  “What? Really? You want to go ride an ATV with me?”

  Hell yes. At sunrise. On the beach. With him. I could do that. I would love to do that. “Sure.”

  “Okay. Tomorrow, then. Goodnight, Amanda.”

  He cut me off when it felt like we were vibing so well. But instead of being upset, I snuggled my pillow a little tighter, happy for even that small amount of conversation with him. “Goodnight, Nick,” I breathed, smiling.

  I couldn’t stop smiling.

  And it took me forever to fall asleep.

  ~ CHAPTER 34 ~

  NICK

  What was I thinking? Obviously, I wasn’t thinking. I shouldn’t have agreed to bring Amanda. I should have thought this through. Now that she was here, her arms around my waist, with pink on the ocean’s horizon, I had to stop the ATV.

  “It’s too bumpy.” I cut the ignition and pocketed its key. “I thought if I went slow enough it wouldn’t be as bumpy. But I can’t. I can’t risk this. You shouldn’t be riding an ATV while pregnant. It doesn’t feel safe.”

  What the hell was I thinking? I’d only driven about twenty feet, but every bump, even the smallest of them, was making me feel sick to my stomach with worry and fear. What if one of these bumps hurt our baby? At this point, if something happened to our baby, I don’t know how I’d survive it. I was already incredibly invested in this. “I have to get up,” I said to her. “Your arms around my waist feel so damn nice. But I have to get up.” I pulled out of her grip, and I climbed off the ATV. Way too dramatically, I realized, but so much of that familiar acidic feeling was building inside my veins.

  I stood in the cool sand, my chest rising and falling with each colossal breath I took, and I stared at the ocean.

  She got off the ATV, and I felt her come stand beside me. “You okay?”

  “That was too much anxiety, too soon in the day. I can’t... we can’t.”

  “Okay,” she said softly, calmly, not at all upset with me. “We don’t have to. Honestly, looking for turtle nests, that wasn’t why I wanted to come so much. I just—” She breathed out. “I just wanted another chance to do something with you. Outside of the bedroom.”

  She touched my arm—a brush of her fingers against my skin.

  I thought about Emma for a small second. About how she never said stuff like this, stuff that made me feel, honestly, so goddamned special.

  The sun was making its break over the horizon, and I dropped to the sand. I tugged her hand. I pulled her body down into my lap. Then I wrapped my arms around her. Only seeing her at night meant I wasn’t actually seeing her at all. In the last week, her body had changed, and in the daylight today I could see that. Her stomach had grown a little bigger to the point that it was no longer so easy for her the hide the evidence of what was happening inside her.

  She fit so perfectly against me. I had never been this lost in love with anyone before. It was frightening, scary, exciting, and even a little bit maddening.

  I fought every single day not to touch her, when all I wanted to do was touch her. I needed to call one of the other ATV riders to cover my miles, but that could wait just a few more minutes.

  I held her over her stomach. So many feelings were flooding through me. I tried to control everything I felt—

  All. The. Fucking. Time.

  Right now I just kind of let them rush through me. It surprised me when a panic attack didn’t follow. It was just her and me, the ocean, the salty breeze, and the morning sun on our skin.

  “There’s something amazing here,” I told her, swallowing hard. My throat felt thick. “Something unexpected and crippling, but so fucking amazing. You induce anxiety, in the best way. I’ve never had that before. Good anxiety. I didn’t know it existed. I feel like... holy fuck, is what I feel with you.” I buried my face against her shoulder.

  She wasn’t saying anything in response. But she tightened her hands over my grip around her middle. She moved a little against me, almost like she was trying to get closer.

  “Okay,” I said after a few minutes. “I’ve got to call Bobby. He can get someone else to cover my miles today. Let’s go.”

  By now the sun had risen enough in the sky that the air was warming. The best parts of the sunrise had passed. She stood. I stood. We walked off the beach, hand-in-hand this time. And I swear to God, something had shifted between us.

  We’d always had a great connection. But now, I don’t know what had happened exactly, it was magnified by ten. Every look between us gave me little jolts of electricity. Every small touch made my skin tingle.

  Shit.

  I was so done. I was so in love.

  I couldn’t do much to contain the smile she kept bringing to my lips.

  ~ CHAPTER 35 ~

  AMANDA

  Maybe sitting and watching a sunrise with this man hadn’t been my best idea. Because now I was feeling dizzy, literally dizzy in his presence. He was fogging my brain, and I couldn’t decide if this was a good thing.

  We’d left the beach and now he was speaking on the phone to someone named Bobby. I briefly wondered if it was the same Bobby I knew, my dad’s old friend. But I’d known Bobby my whole life, and I think I would have known if he was out riding ATVs every morning looking for turtles.

  “No one is at the shop right now,” I said to him once he was off the phone. “And they won’t be for a few hours. Want to go and I could work on your tattoo today?”

  “Yeah. We could do that.”

  His eyes were on the road. Despite agreeing, I couldn’t tell if he was super thrilled by this idea. Sometimes he was easy to read. Sometimes he wasn’t. And I didn’t have a clue what was on his mind now.

  “We don’t have to,” I added.

  “I would like to.”

  What if all of this was too much too soon? “We could keep avoiding each other except at night. I didn’t mean to suddenly switch up our good
thing today.”

  Or maybe I had meant to do exactly that, I realized. I think I was finally ready to really dig into this thing I felt with Nick. But was he?

  “No, I’d like to go,” he repeated.

  “You sure?”

  “I’m sure.”

  He took a turn and instead of heading in the direction of my home, he headed to the place where everything started for us. Kill Devil Ink.

  I had a key. I think all of us except Patrick had a key. After we were out of the car, I unlocked the front door to the shop and Nick followed me inside. The bell on the door chimed loudly against the quiet, still morning. The sun coming in the front windows showed off little particles of dust floating the air. It really reminded me of that morning John caught us naked. But I wasn’t doing anything I shouldn’t be doing today. And, looking back on it now, I was no longer that embarrassed about that morning he found us.

  We went back to my station.

  “Alright,” I said to him. “I guess… take off your pants.”

  I couldn’t help but smile a little at my words.

  “Sure,” he said quietly. But he wasn’t shy at the way he dropped his pants, that was for damn certain. He pulled them down and climbed onto his stomach in my chair. I didn’t look. I pretended like I was too busy getting my tools ready. For any other customer who was getting ink done on their ass, I wouldn’t have been so casual. I would have stepped away and given them their privacy. I would have given them something to cover up with. I figured, with him and I, what did it matter?

  But I hoped I wasn’t making him feel uncomfortable. “Nick,” I said to him. He was on his stomach and his face was resting on his forearms. The last time he was here we’d gotten into a huge fight. I hadn’t apologized yet for my part in that fight. But I needed to. “I’m sorry I lied about our baby. I’m sorry I said it was Finn’s.”

  I grabbed an alcohol wipe, opened the paper, and started prepping his skin for more ink.

  “I guess I’ve never had anyone like you interested in me before. You’re smarter than any guy I’ve ever dated. Better looking. Better in bed. Better at making me come, obviously. And I am constantly questioning why you’re interested in me. So when I said it was Finn’s, I think I did it because I wanted to see how you’d react. To see if you could still be interested in me. Because, I knew a good guy like you—I knew you’d stick around for your baby. But I wanted to know first if you’d stick around for just me.”

  “Wow,” he muttered.

  It was all he said.

  My heart was pounding so hard. My hands were feeling tingly. But I ignored everything I felt, took the red pen, and started drawing on his skin. I didn’t get out my phone to look at my past designs. I had a new idea and decided to try it instead.

  “I’m better in bed than anyone you’ve been with?” he muttered. I could hear the humor in his voice and the curiosity. “Better at making you come?”

  He was such a guy. Of course he would fixate on that. “Yes.” I shook my head. “Don’t let it go to your head.”

  “Better than Finn?”

  “I’ve never been with Finn.”

  “Not at all?”

  “No. We kissed once but it was awkward as hell.” I made a face as I was drawing on him. “Super awkward. And then we became friends.”

  “Wow, I like Finn so much better now.”

  I laughed out loud.

  Then I continued drawing. But I noticed Nick smiling, a little hint of a cocky grin on his lips. He had a cocky, confident side to his personality, one I’ll admit I kind of adored, and I guess I didn’t mind feeding that confidence. He was so damn sexy with that confidence. I bit down on my lip. I needed to focus on my work instead of on his beautiful face, on his beautiful ass.

  After a few minutes, I finished with the red pen.

  “You want to see my design? I changed it a little.”

  It was grittier now, more open lines, more jagged edges. I didn’t hold back; I just went for what I felt. It was raw, a whole new level to my design style.

  I loved it.

  “Surprise me at the end.”

  “You’re crazy.”

  “No, I trust you as an artist.”

  I worked for the next four hours. We stayed even after John arrived to open the shop for the day. Today was my day off. But I felt good, my morning sickness wasn’t bothering me much today, and so I kept working. I worked past noon until the piece was completely finished.

  Nick’s skin was angry and bright red.

  It was a lot of work for one day.

  My heart was flip-flopping all over the place when I handed him the mirror to see his own ass. I waited on his comments. He smiled—this big smile that told me he loved it. His blue eyes met mine, and I knew I was crazy about him.

  I’d been afraid to tell him the baby was his for this very reason. Because now he had my heart in the palm of his hand. If he squeezed, even a little bit, he could crush it to pieces. No one had ever held that kind of power over me. I think I knew all along, that this guy was going to be like that for me. I knew I needed to keep him at arm’s length for as long as I could for my own safety. I hadn’t been successful at that. Because, as much as I tried to tell myself I wasn’t, I think I was in love with him now. And I’d never been more terrified of anything in my whole life.

  ~CHAPTER 36 ~

  NICK

  I didn’t know I could like something so much. Amanda showed me the fresh ink she’d spent half the day putting on my ass, using a mirror she’d used with me before, and it was better than I could have expected. It was amazing. She was so damn talented. I hoped she realized that. How could she not realize it? The evidence of it was literally on my skin.

  I glanced at her face. Her cheeks were flushed. “Do you like it?”

  She radiated with a vulnerability as she asked me this. What I thought clearly meant a lot to her. “It’s perfect. Can you fix me up now, doc? I’d really like to take you out to lunch now. I mean… if you’re up for it. I’ve been listening to your stomach growl for the last thirty minutes.”

  “Sorry about that.”

  “Don’t apologize for being hungry. But let’s get out of here so we can get lunch.”

  She gave me a small nod.

  I wanted to grab her, kiss her, hug her. I didn’t. At this point, I didn’t know what was okay between us. Or where we stood exactly. But the way she was being shy and quiet around me told me that wherever we were, it was a good place. I figured for now it was better to fight any impulse that ran through me, and just stick to doing things I knew were safe. Lunch—that seemed safe.

  She applied some sort of petroleum jelly to my ink before bandaging me up. Just the way she took care of me told me so much about her personality. Her soft touches and her attention to detail (for my ass!) reflected those qualities I already knew I loved about her. I could picture her being just as gentle with our baby once it came.

  “How many weeks are you?” I asked. I still didn’t know for sure where she was in her pregnancy and suddenly, I had a million questions. I couldn’t keep riding backseat to this anymore. I wanted upfront, in the passenger seat. I wanted to be a bigger part. I wanted her to confide in me and tell me everything that was happening.

  “Seventeen weeks. It’s the size of a pear this week.”

  “A pear, already? That’s huge. You haven’t found out the sex yet, right?”

  “No.”

  “Oh good.” I tugged my underwear and pants up over the bandage, over myself. I’d had my pants down around her like this, all casual, so many times now that it wasn’t a big deal anymore. “If it’s okay with you, I’d really like to go with you to that appointment.”

  “You can come.”

  “Thanks,” I breathed.

  We were suddenly only inches apart. Maybe it had something to do with the excitement I felt in this moment over our baby, but I felt this connection with her that was almost electric. The air around us was buzzing. My heart raced and my fin
gertips tingled. They were tingling with the need to touch her skin—touch more than her skin. The need was practically vibrating through me. It was a damn good feeling. More of that good kind of anxiety.

  “Yo. Amanda.” It was Finn, completely interrupting, barging into Amanda’s station. I took a breath and a step away from Amanda, closing my eyes for a small second, composing myself.

  “And Nick,” Finn added. “John said you were both here. That’s good. I need to talk to you.” I thought for a second, he meant talk to Amanda. But he crossed his arms over his large chest and was staring straight at me.

  “What do you want?”

  “Lou. I need to know more about your roommate, Lou.”

  What the fuck!

  He shouldn’t know Lou’s name. Why would he know her name? He had no reason to know it. Unless Lou had been out of the house, doing stuff, talking to people. Which was absurd with her agoraphobia. Maybe Amanda had been talking about Lou with Finn—which seemed more likely than her being out of the house. But why would Amanda have any reason to talk about Lou with him?

  “What do you want to know about Lou?” I asked as casually as I possibly could.

  “Anything at this point.”

  I ran my hands through my hair. He sounded like a man ‘interested’ in a woman. Interested in fucking her. I knew relatively little about Finn. But I knew enough to know he had absolutely zero business being interested in a girl like Lou. To my knowledge, Lou had never even kissed a boy in her life. Finn was the type of guy who probably went around kissing—kissing and fucking—his way through as many women as he possibly could. Lou, from a distance, probably seemed all mysterious and beautiful to him. Fresh meat. I could see a guy like him trying to prey on all her vulnerabilities.